My Corfu Blog

Apologies about the dip in quality of writing with this; it was merely something I did before I went to bed, or when I didn't feel like sitting by the pool drinking beers. But anyway, here is my Corfu blog.

So, obviously I can’t blog online right now – given that I’m in the middle of nowhere, so I’l l upload this when I’m home. But at this precise moment in time, it’s 16.05 (Corfu time) on the 21st of July. It is absolutely boiling outside, we’ve spent most the day in the pool and by the side of it catching rays. I think we’re going to have a BBQ tonight, so I’m quite excited about that. I’ve had a couple of beers – which always makes me revert to a six year old when I write – so apologies for my lack of killer metaphors.
Last night was a bit of a trip, the plane was delayed by two hours, so when we got to Corfu it was pitch black. Needless to say the maps aren’t exactly clear either, so we spent about an hour in clueless land, enjoying the sites of the land surrounding the airport and sniffing the various aromas of the sea. After about two hours we got to our villa (so about 1am) and wowowow this place is so cool! First of all, it’s humungo, there is so much space! It would genuinely be the perfect place to have a house party, in fact it is probably the largest v-jay-jay magnet I have ever come across. It was still fairly warm (especially compared to England) so we sat outside with some beers, admired the pool and recuperated after the flight. I know lots of people have given me stick for wanting to holiday with my parents, but they’re actually pretty good fun. They ripped the piss out of me and my brother for taking five condoms between us – four are mine :P.
Before I went to bed, I started “A Wild Sheep Chase” by Haruki Murakami. It has probably the best blurb I’ve ever read on a book, I’ll post it in here for all to read. I loved the first couple of chapters, but that was all I could manage after the somewhat hectic day. I’m still exhausted from the weekend; my hardcore days are totally behind me L
Well, I’m going to resume my beer. Ta ta!

It’s now half past eleven, still the 21st. We had a beautiful barbeque, and the Greek salad was hamazing. I’ve put the Biggie and Tupac documentary onto a DVD for my brother and father, so hopefully they’ll enjoy that, but I feel inspired to sit under the stars and get some perspective.
So now it’s the 22nd, the day after the 21st. Last night I lay under the stars for about 15 minutes, it was quite something. All the activity happening in space just highlights how small and insignificant we are in the big scheme of things. I really enjoyed it, especially as the stars are so clear out here. Unfortunately in London, due to the smog, seeing stars is a rarity. But here in Corfu, if I knew the constellations, I would be able to recognise all of them.
It’s been another relaxing day. Seriously I feel like I’m not tense and working my brain enough to write anything worth reading. Not that that will stop me :P
We sat around the pool, we went shopping (at a much cheaper and larger supermarket than yesterday), and we had some more home food. We also played the intros round from Never Mind the Buzzcocks – I love that show.
But aside from all that, I haven’t done any real thinking. My mind hasn’t been engaged in anything deep, I’m just drinking and swimming and lying in the sun. Maybe I should take advantage of this while I can, and then go back to my normal, healthy lifestyle when I get back to London. I am definitely planning on joining the gym, seeing my brother with a more ripped body than mine is frankly demeaning.
Maybe I should stop holiday blogging until I actually think of something SUPER DUPER interesting to say? Myehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So I went on facebook today, and aside from a status change [has to be done] I felt absolutely no desire to contact with the outside world. I feel so comfortably cocooned in this artificial Corfu land, that the UK is the last place I want to reach out too – it is after all, where bad things happen.
Another difference was definitely highlighted between me and my brother tonight. We were walking down the street and saw these two scantily clad, tanned babes walking in front of us. Naturally, we smiled at one another knowingly. From behind they were both beautiful, and as they stopped on the side of the road to adjust their shoes, it was undeniable that they were suitably gorgeous from the front. But their voices; oh dear. I think the actual quote was: “I hope she’s not in Romanos, I got farkkking sixteen drinks for free there”, all said with this croaky, strained voice. Now not to sound like a snob, but I can’t help but fancy girls who have just a TAD more class than that. I let my brother know with a sigh, but with that sentence from the girl you could almost see hearts embossed on his eye lids. We then laughed how I like to talk to girls I’m into about books and politics, where as he prefers the “Alright darling, what’s your name” approach. Different strokes for different folks I guess, it seems to be pretty successful for him! I do sometimes feel like I’m on a quest to find the perfect woman, and I doubt she’s out there – especially not in Corfu. I’ll have to practise my cheeky chappy approach for when we next go clubbing.
Aside from that, we karaoked today. I flopped, so let’s not talk about it! Mosquitoes are becoming quite a problem, I hate the little fuckers. I don’t ever ever kill things, but these flying pests are certainly very tempting – especially as it would be out of self defence. In every other country I’ve been to (Spain, India, Japan, Thailand etc), I’ve never been bitten. I thought I had magical blood, but I think I’ve obtained a couple of mini bites from the bastards here. Of course, I’m so tough I barely notice and am being super manly about the whole thing.
Turns out, I might still have magical blood. We deduced that as all the bites I have are below my ankles, and as we have a lot of biting ants near and around the pool section, they may well be the source of my irritating little marks. I did incidentally, accidentally kill a moth. As it was flying around in my bathroom I caught it against the wall with a glass. But as I reached for my Zoo magazine (so I could take it outside) I slipped and squashed the moth, so RIP to the moth.

I didn’t actually write anything yesterday, but it was a largely unspectacular day. I don’t think I won a single game of pool, which was humiliating, but we spent most of the day at Corfu Town. Now the name suggests this is a cool place, but in actuality it was a pile of tripe. If you want dated, poor quality clothes at quadruple the price you’d play in England, I suggest you go there. I think my quote was: “I prefer shopping in Wood Green”.
Today however, the weather decided to become even more ridiculous than normal. Outside it is about 42 degrees centigrade. As a gweillo with fair complexion, I have decided to avoid all traces of sunlight today. The burns on my shoulder blades are just about recovering, I don’t fancy becoming charred. However this is all good, as we have now have Tekken 5 in the house, and I fricking LEHOVE Tekken, so staying inside reading and Tekkening is heavenly.
Wow so today was 100% ace. Firstly, I am in absolute heaven at the moment, I know I go on about her all the time but if you don’t know about Colbie Caillat, I suggest you look her up. Right now I’m listening to her cover of ‘Tell Him’ by Lauryn Hill, and it is beautiful, as are the rest of her songs. Even her cover of ‘Turn Your Lights Down Low’ is incredible.
But the real reason for my happiness is that myself and Russell were victorious in Upwords today. The adults were somewhat arrogant in thinking they had the game sewn up, but me and Russell halted their celebrations. It’s cool, cause usually my Dad has a knack of winning at these games, and although no one mentions it, my Mum is also deceivingly good, so to win (with Russell) was fabuloso.

Today we went to the beach. Now I’m not usually a fan of beaches, principally for the reason that I hate the feeling of sand. It seems to get into all the most awkward nooks and crannies of my body, and it is insanely itchy.. urgh!!!!!!! But this was a pebble beach, on a blistering hot day, the water couldn’t have been clearer, and it was unspoiled. By this I mean, there weren’t loads of Brits fucking up the place with their (not our, I refuse to take responsibility) commercial, tacky bullshit. There was a lovely Greek taverna, a little jewellery shop... and that was about it. I’m becoming a bit of a Mousakka addict – I’ve had 3 in 3 days – I’m going to move on to Stifado tomorrow.
Tomorrow we’re going to meet some of my parent’s hippy/spiritual friends. They’re super cool, Google them if you like: Miten and Premal. I actually need to be asleep fairly early, cause my wakeup call is at 8.20 – I had no idea such a time existed.
So that was today, and a bit of tomorrow. Fun fun fun. Time for some Murakami!

Today’s situation is a little like yesterday. I’m once again listening to Colbie Caillat; I introduced her music to Dudley today, he really liked it – I think I should be her promoter or something. Colbie, if you’re out there and reading this, send me some signed albums and I’ll carry on the good work – cool? :D
Anyway, today we saw Miten and Premal. They were doing a Satsang, which is basically a mixture of chanting, singing, listening to spoken word from Osho, and dance/meditation. For me, I think spirituality is reached through education and application, not these methods, but it still looks like fun. Despite waking up painfully early, we got lost on the way, and missed the start, so had to sit outside. But when you’re in Corfu, sitting outside is never a short straw. There was the most exquisite fruit and vegetable patch, with huge squashes and tomatoes hanging from their vines. Even the exotic stuff like aubergines and lemons were growing away – it was super duper cool. Anyway, towards the end Miten broke out into a blues number, and we were ushered into the room, which was basically an octagonal array of cushions and hippies, all centred around Miten and Premal, and this Nepalese bloke who I’d never met before (but who could play the sh*t out of the windpipes!). My Dad literally sauntered along into the middle of the ‘stage’, Premal moved up so he could play the keyboards, and he broke out into a blues solo, it was all a bit surreal. Me and my brother were staring at each other, awkwardly dancing, fully acknowledging that we’re part of a fairly unique family.
For lunch we went to one of the most beautiful restaurants that I’ve ever seen. It was up high on the hills, and looked over a cove of the bluest water imaginable, complete with fishing boats and the like, all set against a cloudless sky. This kind of stuff just doesn’t exist in England. And the Beef Stifado; yum! Definitely one to add to the list of meals I can make (it doesn’t seem that difficult). I really am considering marrying a Greek lady, not only are they beautiful but the food here is something else. Although I can imagine diabetes and obesity are lurking around the corner!
Aside from beating my Dad at pool, nothing much else of note happened today, but it was a lovely day all the same. And to think, we’ve been here a week!

28th: So for some reason – not by my choice, we went back to Corfu Town today. Admittedly, we found a slightly cooler part, but it was still selling all the same rubbish. I did however, find the funkiest “quasi-rudeboy” jacket ever; definitely worth the €30. Oh and also, I visited this super cool Greek pastry shop, and had a Greek pie filled with potato, tomato, olives, peppers etc... it was amazing, and I loved the woman who worked there. She was taller than me, much wider, and had this crazy afro very unbefitting of a Greek woman. That being said, her English was awesome, although that doesn’t seem to be a rarity here.
I found out via Tarvi B that Toure might be joining Manchester City – please don’t let it be true!
So, that’s all I really feel like writing today. My fingers are not working properly, the amount of spelling mistakes I’ve made typing this out is almost painful to witness.

So after I blogged last night, oh man I had a horrendous time. Basically, because it’s so hot here – even at 2am – I turn the A/C on to super cold, just so I can sleep. The baking heat still wakes me up though. Anyway, I usually turn it off before I sleep as it’s a loud, rickety machine, but last night I couldn’t find the remote control. It was so frustrating, I was ready to just curl up in bed, but I couldn’t with the machine going off and my room was starting to feel like a fridge. It took me about 20 minutes of searching, and walking around in the dark to eventually find the remote. Even when I did find it, the batteries fell out, and as I was so frantic and tired (and stupid) I put them in the wrong way, to more frustration. EVENTUALLY, I got there and boy was that a good nights sleep!
Today was fairly uneventful. We went to the former house of Lawrence Durrell, and had some beers. My mum got more drunk than I’ve ever seen her, and we had to leave (off her one beer). She was a mess, it was strange seeing her like that. But the amount of times that she has come to my rescue when I’ve had eight too many, it was nice to be able to look after her, and nurse her back to soberdom.
I finished ‘A Wild Sheep Chase’ today. It was so frustrating, I hate finishing good books. It also means I’ve read every novel he’s ever written (that are readily available – his first two are impossible to find). Obsessed much? Now, despite bringing fourteen books with me on holiday, I don’t know what to read. I might resume Wild Swans. Hmmmmmmm-age.
So that was today! We’ve booked a boat trip tomorrow, so that should be a little more exciting.
“A little more exciting”. Definitely not the way today would be described. It was actually the most eventful by a country mile, I’m beginning writing this at 3.15am because I just can’t sleep – there are so many pent up feelings inside of me.

So, like I said, boat trip. We rented a boat for the day so we could cruise up and down Corfu. I had a few doubts about how fun it would actually be, and how sunburnt I might get, but sometimes you just have to think “fuck it” – and go along with these things; I’m glad I did.
Although we ended up with a boat that didn’t work, we were eventually given a beautiful 40 horse power boat, and we began rocketing away up and down the beautiful beach sceneries of Corfu. They’re almost idyllic, but also incredibly varied. Some beaches are barely 30 feet wide and untouched by society. Others go on for miles, with little blue and white umbrellas jotted along the coast, and fat women roasting themselves underneath the sun. We stopped at a place called the Olive Press, and had a typical Greek lunch. I don’t really need to describe this place in much detail, as it was just as you would imagine. A restaurant carved into the rock face, with plenty of sun, great food, and views of speedboats whizzing past.
After lunch, the girls (and Tom) got off, and me, Russell, Dudley and Dad cranked the boat up to the fastest it could go. We then took a dip in a tiny, secluded rocky area, threw some stones about (like real men) and headed back. As it happens I was driving, the wind was in my hair, I felt like the alpha male controlling the hurtling boat... until we ran out of petrol. We then had to call up the boat company, and this old bloke with the most enviable tan you will ever care to see, gave us a refill, and we were back on our way.
I’m going to write about the rest of the day tomorrow, when I’m feeling more descriptive, as I’m reading this back and laughing at how shit it is. Night for now.

Soooooo, where was I?! I didn’t sleep at all last night, urghhhhh, explanation to come.
After we got home, I got to cooking. I love cooking in case you didn’t know, and although the local Stavros Market stocks limited food supplies, we got the necessary stuff to knock together a lovely Ragu. I’ve been reading Heston Blumenthal’s book lately, and he recommends adding milk – which I tried – and it worked surprisingly well. I received a bounty of compliments, which I was chuffed about. Although, a bit of spaghetti sauce is pretty simple stuff really. I need to branch out.
Later in the evening, I submitted, and agreed to go to “Club Passion” with my little bro and Russell. We had fun getting ready, I went for the nu-rave geek look haha. Pre-entry, I was almost excited. I had the image running through my head of hundreds of stunning, semi-naked, olive skinned Greek girls who had a thing for beige, sun fearing English guys. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case, not even close. I don’t think there was a single Greek girl anywhere near the club, and I don’t blame them. It was a horrendous night.
But how to describe Club Passion? Well, let me start by saying it was easily the worst nightclub I’ve ever been in, AND it was foam night – which just made it a million times worse. The average age of the people there was about 16 – I felt like I’d snuck into a secondary school prom. Except no one was dressed in their gladrags – ultra revealing was the dress code. The girls were all dressed like sluts, and as the night trickled on, they began acting like sluts too. It actually became a pre-meditated orgy of 16 year olds. I mostly sat around the edge watching the cogs turn on my watch, but even when I did dance and try to get into the spirit of things, I felt so awkward. So so so so so so so so so so so so so out of place.
Now don’t get me wrong, had I been a bit younger, this would have been heaven on earth, but it’s just not my scene anymore. The highlight of the night was meeting this bloke called Conor, who as Russell began groping some girl from behind, introduced himself as her older brother. He was pretty civil, we began discussing how awkward it was being there and chaperoning our younger siblings to a saliva swapping convention. He then began following me around, which was a little odd, but at least I had some company, and a buffer from any jailbait ass in my face.
As time to go came along, tragedy struck. My idiot brother had decided to get down with the toplessness that was going on in the club, and left his shirt AND PHONE on a chair next to the bar. That’s his phone that he’s had for three weeks. He’s a bright kid, but he does manage to astonish me with his stupidity occasionally. Naturally, the rest of the evening was spent trying to find the phone, trying to block the sim card, giving my brother those “worse things could happen” back pats that really don’t do anything at all, etc.
I was so pissed off with him, and charged with adrenalin that I didn’t get to sleep till 7am. I then woke up at 10, so I’m currently shattered. We spent today going to some dodgy Greek police station, which was a total (non) riot.
I think we’re staying in tonight, I don’t know. But I’m feeling a lot better than I was earlier, and I hope it’s an enjoyable evening. Maybe some more upwords?! :D As it’s Alice’s birthday tomorrow, I’ve volunteered to baby sit little Rebecca. I actually love her, she’s so beautiful. I just need her to learn “Mikie” and we’ll be in business!

SO, today was a million and one miles better than yesterday. Yesterday really feels like the past (duh) after a day like today. It was Alice’s birthday, so we did presents, cards and cake, and went out this evening to a karaoke bar called Illusions. So far so cheesy. But it was actually great fun – I’ll keep this brief as it’s 3am – but we (me and the adults) downed cocktails and did some great singing. Mum actually started off the karaoke on the night with a very accomplished rendition of “Slow Hand”, and I did “If Tomorrow Never Comes”. I’ve never had such a good response, I don’t want to sound all big headed but after one line I overheard someone in the distance say “now he can sing!” and from there on my confidence was sky high. One girl even started hugging and kissing me while I was trying to sing too haha! As usual, Dad did “Great Balls of Fire”, Dudley did “Let’s Dance”, and the birthday girl did “You’re so Vain”. They were all great and got a great response too.
My brother and Russell decided to brave passion again tonight, and hilariously didn’t get near the same response from the women as they did a few days ago. Although they told us neither did anyone else. Ah well, that’s clubbing for you!
Last day tomorrow. L I’ve nearly reached the 4000 word mark on this blog, I hope I get there before I leave.

And so, tomorrow we return, five condoms and all.
We have a painfully early flight tomorrow (6.30am wake up call). I hate departing from places – it’s such a pain in the rectum, all the ghey packing one has to do just seems to top it off, and rub salt into ones leaving wounds. Well, actually my Mum seemingly has a PhD in packing, so she insists she helps rearrange my suitcase, which makes me sounds like a 5yr old who can’t pack a suitcase without forgetting his toothbrush. But even if I was armed with a crowbar and a chainsaw, I don’t think I could stop her from doing it. I’ll have to take my laptop in my rucksack, so I might just do a final holiday blog on the plane, if I’m awake.
Today was a wonderful final day though. We swam in the pool, played loads of Frisbee, I even managed to beat my brother in a table tennis game (which was miraculous) but my Dad kicked my pale ass at pool. I’m seriously going to miss going outside and having that kind of kit to play with, in my garden we (4000th word!) have a shed and a garden table. Nice as they are, it’s not quite the same. We then went to Kalami to “Thomas’ Place” and had some food. Definitely going to miss hanging with the Yeo’s!
Anyway, I should be doing something productive like watching American Dad. Ciao.

So I am actually on an aeroplane now. It’s Easyjet, so I’m having to become a contortionist to type this – it better be worth it. It’s also 12pm, and I’ve been up for over five hours, so I’m absolutely exhausted. But we’re going home *ultra sad face*! I watched the weather forecast today, it’s about 40 in Corfu and 14 in London, big woooooot!
But aside from that, I’m looking forward to getting back. Saying goodbye to things like sunburn, freckles and mosquitoes will be fantastic, even if they’re going to replaced by rain and flies.
But I’m pleased I managed 4000 words on this blog, even if it is written ultra lazily, my blog is more of use to me to recap on my life, rather than displaying my (immense) writing skills.
Anyway, I really can’t be bothered to write anymore. I’m going to play solitaire and freecell until my battery runs out/I fall asleep. Peace and love, thanks for reading.